Priest is apparently saved by a burglar …


I’m sure that most of you will remember the case of the Catholic priest, who displayed a screen full of gay porn when he plugged a memory stick into a laptop whilst giving a presentation in a primary school in County Tyrone. Those present, mainly parents, said that sixteen indecent images of men appeared at the outset of the Powerpoint presentation. The police investigated but as the images were not illegal, no charges were brought.

 Now that the investigations by the police and the church have been concluded, Father Martin McVeigh has issued a statement giving an explanation that is almost as plausible as the virgin birth saga. In a statement published in the church bulletin he said that he had been so shocked at what had happened and “in my concern to ensure that the images would never be shown again, I destroyed [the memory stick] later that evening”. 

 Oh dear! There went any chance of catching the actual culprit! How awful for the priest that his moment of personal madness should result in him frustrating the very inquiry that would have exonerated him of any hanky-panky  er …. wrongdoing.  The explanation, however, does not end there.

 Father McVeigh again declared his innocence and said that the incident “had caused much anxiety and distress”. He continued “I want to assure you that I was not responsible for the presence of the offending images and in this respect I ask you to accept my innocence.” Hmm … 

Cardinal Brady, for the diocese said that there had been a thorough investigation into the computers used by Father McVeigh. “These have been forensically examined by an independent technical expert and no inappropriate imagery has been found. However, an additional laptop, which was located in the sacristy, was stolen in the period following the 26th March meeting with parents at the school”. Oh no! So the laptop was stolen too!  O tempora, o mores! (Oh the times, oh the morals!)

Poor Father McVeigh, what a run of bad luck. The laptop being stolen and the USB stick having been destroyed, there’s no way now that they will catch the culprit. 

p.s. The priest’s excuses rather remind me of  Sir Norman Fry, the character from Little Britain, a politician dogged by gay sex scandals, whose catchphrase is: “As far as I’m concerned, that is the end of the matter. Thank you.” He too has some absurd excuses for his mishaps, delivered in a futile attempt to make his escapades sound wholly innocent and justifiable, using phrases such as “on entering the room, my clothes accidentally fell off” or “I followed the gentlemen into the toilet cubicle to discuss foreign policy” and “I tripped and fell and a part of me accidentally entered him”. He does this to cover up his apparent homosexual tendencies, since all of his statements refer to encounters with other men. I am not suggesting for one moment that Father McVeigh is gay; no, I am sure there is a quite innocent explanation … somewhere here.


It gives a new meaning to the words ‘death’ and ‘stiff’ …

This is dead embarrassing ...

You probably won’t believe what I am about to tell you, but the impeccable sources that I got the story from make it undeniably true: The mainly Islamist, Egyptian legislature is currently deciding whether to introduce a new law to allow a widower to have sex with dead wife, providing that the intercourse is within six hours of her last breath! Women’s rights groups across Egypt are, quite understandably, up in arms about this and are attempting to stop the nasty, necro-nooky nonsense. The proponents are not deterred, however, believing that not even death should stand between a husband and what is rightfully his. I suppose the wives had little say in the matter in life, so after death it becomes a mere academic argument.

Heigh-ho! The vagaries of Islam and it’s more sordid side are, I am sure, not representative of mainstream Islamic culture and, with deference to this, the same clerics are also trying to reduce the minimum legal age of consent for marriage for girls to 14, which brings them more into line with Islamic normality. The Prophet Mohammad married a six year old girl named Aisha and consummated the marriage at the onset of her puberty, when she was nine. The Egyptian parliament haven’t gone that far, but it’s early days yet. Given time I am sure they will manage to return a once proud nation to the misogynistic values that Islamists feel more comfortable with.

Many Muslims disagree with anything resembling the above as being a part of Islam, but the problem is that Islamists – paradoxically – are a bit like George W. Bush. “Either you are with us, or you are against us”. That leaves some room for the middle ground, eh? Next time you hear someone reassuring the world about Islam’s compatibility with democratic values, just remember the clerics of Cairo, and their unfailing ability to come up with something – almost anything – that would be repugnant to most of us in democratic society.

A brief history of post-modern Blighty …

Great Britain has been through some ignominies in its time, such as the strikes in the 70s, where suicidally socialist unions ruled and management was so inept that the entire system was brought virtually to its knees.

Enter people like Rupert Murdoch – the free market knight in shining armour – to right the wrong and redress the imbalance. What did we get as a result? Thatcher! All change – and that eventually means all – as the country adopted ‘free market forces’ and everything was sold off, likened by MacMillan to “selling the family silver”.

Even Labour became ‘new’ Labour, where taking the centre-of-the-right political ground was the new place to be, embracing the new world order of one-world global capitalism that left us with French utility companies that rip us off through our gas and electricity charges and our rail system becoming one of the most expensive in Europe.

We are where we are, but did any of us expect to see what is happening now? Is there a single person in this country that, in an Orwellian  flash of wondrous genius, foresaw the introduction of stamp rationing? Determined hordes of opticians are stockpiling thousands of stamps to try and delay the massive nigh-on thirty percent increase in prices.

Is this just a cheese nightmare or something? No: welcome to Dave Cameron’s Britain, where nothing is thought through to its logical conclusion. Not even our inept government could see the administrators of small businesses with a duty to remind customers of appointments sallying forth to bulk buy two years-worth of stamps to avoid the ridiculous increases now being forced upon us. All this to prepare the Royal Mail for privatisation. So it seems that, whether the price increases come before or after the sell-off of the state concern, privately run businesses cost much more than a well run non-governmental corporation.

What is the price of all of this? Our dignity as a nation, I would say. The stamp fiasco is yet another example of why we are beginning to resemble a desperate nation, rather than the once great one that we were. Britain is a nation of shopkeepers – as we were once described – but now the shopkeepers are all queuing in the Post Office to beat the latest rip-off.

Cameron is either sick or thick – I can’t make my mind up which, but possibly both.

Islam: The religion of peace

It is not often that I find myself embarrassed enough to claim that I make no apologies for something that I upload to my blog. However, this particular post is different in that respect. I make no apologies for the image published with the article, but in reality it is our dimwitted prime minister who should be apologising.

Mr. Cameron, currently visiting Indonesia, will apparently say that “Islamic extremists must not be allowed to pervert fledgling democracies and persecute minorities”. When he delivers his speech, the Prime Minister will praise the country as proof that the religion is compatible with democracy.

It is this sort of befuddled nonsense that defines David Cameron as a man who speaks on matters of which he has little or no knowledge at all. Mr. Cameron, while in the world’s most populous Muslim state, should visit the Ahmadi Muslims who are persecuted and often murdered by mainstream Muslims who claim that the Ahmadis are heretics. The photo to the right must surely put into perspective our grovelling and rather stupid Prime Minister’s words on Indonesian ‘democracy’ and the rule of law.

Mr. Cameron is not alone in this blinkered, ostrich-like attitude towards the facts on the ground in Indonesia.  Canadian Ambassador to Indonesia and the Association of Southeast Asian Nations, Mackenzie Clugston, praised the efforts that have been associated with the Indonesian government’s handling of the Ahmadiyya issue.

How people like Cameron and Clugston sleep soundly in their beds at night is a complete mystery to me. The news streams online are continually reporting mainstream Muslims murdering Ahmadis in Indonesia and, for that matter, elsewhere. David Cameron must understand that these murders are not committed by ‘Islamists’ but mainstream Muslims.

Worse still, Mr. Cameron’s speech will expose his government’s inability to understand the nature of Islam – I was a Muslim for over ten years, so I know enough on this subject: Islam and democracy do not go together.  Democracy is viewed by most mainstream Muslims as a ‘western’ ideology that is not compatible with Islam, which has its own legal system, Sharia; its own form of governance, that sees its legislature as by Muslim majority only and most certainly is not democratic. For the love of any prophet Mr. Cameron, please try and understand that in Islam, non-Muslims are not considered equals.

In the United Kingdom there are Muslims that refer to themselves as ‘British Muslims’. The problem with that is that ‘Muslims’ – Allah’s chosen people – are defined as ‘British’ which would be wholly unacceptable to mainstream Muslims worldwide. A Muslim is … a Muslim and it is impossible to preface the term with a nationality. It is, in all respects, unacceptable in Islam. You don’t hear Muslims calling themselves ‘Saudi Muslims’ or ‘Bangladeshi Muslims’, so where did we ever get the idea that Muslims in the UK can suddenly reinvent Islam by calling themselves British Muslims?

Look at Mr. Cameron’s soothing words to the Indonesians and you will begin to understand how our political classes are ignoring the groundswell of hatemongering in Islam. That groundswell is evidenced by the brutal; treatment of the Ahmadiyyan Muslims, who mainstream Muslims contend are not Muslims at all and thus fair game for persecution and murder. I will eat my words if anyone reading this article can show me that the Muslims who murdered the Ahmadis in the above image were prosecuted. I happen to know that no one has been charged with their murders, so I can afford to make such an offer.